Oh How I Loathe You....

Little black thing that jumps out of no where and comes at me as if you enjoy watching while I die a slow death from a heart attack. You shouldn't be allowed to hide in neighborhoods, your home is in the woods or near a pond where the food supply is better. I'm still not sure why you have picked my yard as your vacation spot but nonetheless you are one guest that has over stayed its welcome. I did find out that apparently you aren't a fan of water and didn't appreciate the bath I tried to give you with the water hose... I thought I was being smart and chasing you out of my yard but apparently I chased you into a thicker shelter. Needless to say you are now taking refuge in my border grass that lines my back porch. And oh how I would appreciate if you would pick up your belongings, and any friends/family you have, and move to the people behind me. We don't like them so much and they have a nice wood pile for you to climb/slither whatever it is you do, it's all creepy to me. Their wood pile and shrubs could provide you with better shelter.... scouts honor. I on the other hand thought I had taken away your playground by removing the shed but apparently there is something about my yard that you like. And please don't let this hurt your feelings but you aren't as cute as you think you are, just because you are long and skinny , that doesn't make you 'pretty' despite what the front of the magazine says, nor are you welcome.... out of all the 80x120 lots in the neighborhood, I can't figure out why you have picked mine. Is it because of the infestation of lizards? Is it because of the bugs in my yard?? Is it the gross frogs that stick to my windows and line my driveway? Oh how I wish you didn't make my heart jump and my mouth scream words that should only come from a sailor. Maybe one day I will learn to tolerate you and your existence... but for now I'd appreciate if you'd go back to the other side of the yard where I can pretend you don't live instead of the bushes close to my screen door that I have to let the dogs in and out of.

No hard feelings though, ok??? Thank you for your cooperation and understanding of my feelings, or lack there of towards you.